How to kill a LION (Banking Style)
(A must read for all bankers)
(A must read for all bankers)
(1). ICICI bank method:
Hire a lion, give him full rest, pay him more than his expectations, never ask for anything in the first 2 months. After 2 months tell him that u have to achieve ur yearly target in 9 months, lion dies of fear that if he does not achieve this he will lose the jungle.
Hire a lion, give him full rest, pay him more than his expectations, never ask for anything in the first 2 months. After 2 months tell him that u have to achieve ur yearly target in 9 months, lion dies of fear that if he does not achieve this he will lose the jungle.
(2). HDFC Bank method:
Hire a lion, give him a hell lot of work, pay him fat salary more than the industry. Restructure his job as per ur fancies every 6 months. If he kills 2 goats a day, next day give him a target of killing 20 elephants a day while knowing that there are only 10 elephants available. Lion dies of exhaustion and overkill.
Hire a lion, give him a hell lot of work, pay him fat salary more than the industry. Restructure his job as per ur fancies every 6 months. If he kills 2 goats a day, next day give him a target of killing 20 elephants a day while knowing that there are only 10 elephants available. Lion dies of exhaustion and overkill.
(3). AXIS bank method:
Hire a lion and give him a post of a cat, than force the lion to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat.Lion will eventually die of hope and starvation.
Hire a lion and give him a post of a cat, than force the lion to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat.Lion will eventually die of hope and starvation.
(4). HSBC Bank method:
Hire a lion and set a cut off time, give the lion spoon instead of knife and ask him to extract 60kg meat out of 40kg goat or else the lion will be forced to become a dog. Lion dies out of frustration and strain
Hire a lion and set a cut off time, give the lion spoon instead of knife and ask him to extract 60kg meat out of 40kg goat or else the lion will be forced to become a dog. Lion dies out of frustration and strain
(5). Standard Chartered Bank method:
Hire a lion and give him a 3000 page circular on how to kill a goat. Amend the circular at least 3 times a week. Send the lion in the jungle to inspect how he can cancel the licence of fox, wolf or jackal who have violated the 3000 page circular. Lion dies of stagnation and boredom.
Hire a lion and give him a 3000 page circular on how to kill a goat. Amend the circular at least 3 times a week. Send the lion in the jungle to inspect how he can cancel the licence of fox, wolf or jackal who have violated the 3000 page circular. Lion dies of stagnation and boredom.
(6). Kotak Mahindra Bank Method:
Hire a lion and give him 60kg of meat to eat everyday when he can eat only 30kg. Lion dies of overeating.
Hire a lion and give him 60kg of meat to eat everyday when he can eat only 30kg. Lion dies of overeating.
(7). CITI BANK Method:
Recruit a lion, ask him to kill an elephant without any cut or blood from the body. Lion is forced to learn from ducks, rabbits and pigeons on how to kill dinosaurs. Lion is provided with 2 wolves to help in killing but with a condition that the wolves will not move or attack. Lion dies of confusion and paradoxes.
Recruit a lion, ask him to kill an elephant without any cut or blood from the body. Lion is forced to learn from ducks, rabbits and pigeons on how to kill dinosaurs. Lion is provided with 2 wolves to help in killing but with a condition that the wolves will not move or attack. Lion dies of confusion and paradoxes.
(8). Indusind Bank method:
Indusind is out of race a they are still thinking as to what is a lion?
Indusind is out of race a they are still thinking as to what is a lion?
(9). SBI method:
Hire a lion and show him the forest from far. Keep moving the forest full of opportunities so he keeps running. He never gives up coz there are many like him running. Finally he retires half way or dies in stampede.
Hire a lion and show him the forest from far. Keep moving the forest full of opportunities so he keeps running. He never gives up coz there are many like him running. Finally he retires half way or dies in stampede.
Finally...
(10). PSU's BANK style ..
Hire a Lion, give him lowest possible salary and allowances. Start Three -Four campaigns at a single time. Give him unachievable targets. Dont give subordinates. Change softwares suddenly. Take meetings and threaten him of transfer at remote branch. Lion dies cursing his bad luck !
From Anit Sengupta OBC Bolpur
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